Jamie's therapist had once told him about the gratitude and how acknowledging life's blessings and appreciating what you had, was a proven step to combat depression. Her advice had been to start the morning with finding three things to be grateful about, not an easy task when you were flying a plane that killed men, sometimes civilians that had a one sentence mention in mission reports that focused on praising how many ISIL communication towers, artillery systems, and tactical units were destroyed. Still, Jamie took the assignment as seriously as he did tasks allotted by the higher ranks, and it turned into a habit that stuck.

Jamie woke up quickly, another habit that he still had from the past life - he could get out of bed and ready in the record time, be in his plane and taking off in a few minutes. There were no snooze buttons and drifting back to sleep at warzone. He opened his eyes and blinked the sleep away, taking a conscious breath and focusing his mind on surroundings. Just from waking up Jamie's heart was already beating too fast in his throat, a rapid fluttering that was like a whip to his brain to go fight or flight mode as his palms gripped the blanket tightly, and he tried to calm himself down. He was fine, he was safe. There were noises of people moving around, water running somewhere, a baby crying, nothing out of order, nothing to worry about, no need to panic. He was still on PE, still in the mountains, still trying to survive. He was fine, he was safe.

"Fuck," Jamie grumbled in the rolled up jacket that was his makeshift pillow, as his heartbeat slowed down and the black hole of fear in his chest dissolved. "No nightmares tonight, I am still alive, I have not killed anyone on PE," Jamie counted his gratitudes while getting dressed, shivering from the coldness that seemed to have found a permanent place in his bones despite the deadly sweltering weather. He opted for running gear over his flight suit that was still damp and drying after a well-deserved wash and laced his shoes with stiff fingers.

Only when he was standing up and fixing the t-shirt in place, Jamie realized that Xiao was not here and that cognizance sat uncomfortably in Jamies’ stomach. They didn't always sleep in the same bed or same place, both liked to wander around and Xiao had lived in Nemus before the Scorch, so there weren't any patterns to get used to, but they had gone to sleep together that day. Jamie sighed and rubbed his eyes, lost for a moment. Times like these he missed phones and walkie-talkies, some way to communicate and locate people around him. Times like these he missed how easy things were with Dot. But it was unfair to compare Xiao to her and thinking about Dot was a road not to follow.

Quietly, not to wake up those who were still sleeping, Jamie walked towards the exit of their shelter, avoiding to step on small stones to supress the noise of his steps, opting for sand and dirt that always found its way inside. He smiled when his eyes fell on Xiao, apparently it was still too hot outside or else, Jamie had no doubt, Xiao would already somewhere, trying to find trouble.

"Here you are," Jamie whispered, loud enough for Xiao to hear him approach and quiet enough to be desecreet. He sat down, his shoulder touching Xiao's in greeting and looked outside where the Sol had disappeared, bringing another night of adventures. He missed the sun, missed being able to walk around in daylight and enjoy the warmness, he missed Florida's beaches and swimming in the ocean, he missed ice cream and ice tea, but it was pointless to dwell on things he missed. There was no way back.

Xiao's eyes shined with the last rays of sun disappearing and Jamies throat got tight, there was a feeling pounding inside him, telling him something was not right. "Are you okay?"

NOTES: It shows that I haven't written posts for months. :/ Sorry it took me so long, I'll do better in the future. <3